Not ready yet.

I’m supposed to write a long, introspective post here. This is not it.

There is a post I’ve been meaning to post here for some time now. A post with the intention to summarize all that happened during the last 12 months and, most importantly, what I have learned from that.

But I’m still not ready to write it. I still don’t feel comfortable at all around this subject. Sometimes I’m just numb enough not to think about it, and sometimes it still feels like everything happened yesterday. I still haven’t felt like anything is ok. At all.

More recently I’ve been able to get by most of the day just fine. But it’s not a stable equilibrium – a small thing can trigger an emotional avalanche that overwhelms me and I can barely manage it. I have been subjected to such a nuclear blast – in so many different ways – that I still haven’t had time enough to restructure myself.

Hopefully sometime this year I will be able to break this spiked shell I have gotten myself into and get to move on with my life. Right now, everything just seems to be on hold – even as everything keeps spinning.

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