Moving On

So an aunt of mine died last monday.

I have to be honest, it was kind of expected. But something like that brings you down anyway.

Still, I see something very odd in the way I react to stuff like this. The last time I actually cried because of someone else’s death was some 13 years ago, when my grandfather died. Even nowadays, when I remember him, tears to my eyes almost instantly. Since then I’ve lost my two grandmothers (both of whom I loved very much). I was crushed by both – but I didn’t cry.

My perspective on death has changed a lot, that’s for sure. I began to find egoism in the attitude some people have about it – it’s as if they wanted the person to stay alive no matter what, only to have them around – even if they don’t give much value to that person. On the other hand, a part of me envies that – the ability of showing you’re upset for losing someone you love.

In the end, however, I do grieve the departed loved ones, but in my own way. I talk less, laugh less – in a way, live less. For one day only. After that, I want to enjoy life as much as I can, be it playing around, working hard, or whatever else. That’s a much better way to remember someone.

In the end, I think it’s useless to dwell on negative stuff like death and illness – it’s much better to remember the good things about the people we love.